Because of alcoholism I had to see the most important person to me lifeless on the bathroom floor. The day before I was crying in her arms , telling her all of my thoughts and feelings. She would respond in a way that nobody els could. She would hold me and cry too because I was crying. She would do anything to make me happy. She gave me a life that I will cherish until its over. Without her, I would have not had this warm bed I lay in. I wouldnt have the simple pleasures in life, like waking up in the morning to the smell of her hazelnut coffee and her listening to her book loudly as she exhaled all of her troubles on the back porch, with a serene look on her face. She always used to come out when it was dark and watch the sun rise. She loved the sound of the crickets. She loved bluebonnets. She wrote a beautiful poem about them. All she drank was dr. pepper. she smoked 200s, the longest cigarettes ive ever seen. Im wearing the robe she wore when she smoked. It will probably never stop smelling like ciggarettes. she was the full package, beautiful and smart. She was the valedictorian of her class. I can’t look at myself in the mirror without balling. I see her features in me. This is the most devastating moment in my life. I don’t know what to do at this point. I can only cry and toke. Without her, I wouldn’t have this quarter that is keeping my tears from drowning me. I have lost my happiness for the moment. You all are very supportive. You are lovely people.
Everyone has a grave.
I must look on the bright side of things even though there isnt much. 
I will not stop crying for the rest of my life because of her death. I am too young to lose her. She was to young to leave. She couldve lived 30 more years with my dad. Seen me get married and see her cry with happiness. Mabey it will rain on my wedding day. Then I will know.
I love you more than I will ever love myself mom.
That im typing this right now is unbelievable.